finishing 9 and 10

Calhoun, Part 7, Inner-Healing PrayerThis spiritual discipline connects with our discussion and reflection in the Benner & Moon material this week. Take an hour this week to practice this spiritual discipline with a trusted friend. Be prepared to encounter the Lord who is risen and alive! This is an Easter discipline that focuses upon the healing and new life in Christ. Share your appropriate reflection on this experience; keep personal those items that should not be shared on a public forum like this blog site. Thank you!

I did not forget about this discipline. I was going to share time when with a friend I have prayed with them about a hurt that they had. Like the one time the Holy Spirit revealed to my friend who had been neglected by her biological mother, that her mother really cares. This came as the Holy Spirit revealed to her the message from a salt and pepper shakers sitting on my stove. She saw the letters PS and remembered a song PS I love you!, tears formed in her eyes as she realized that her biological mother did love her even thought she had to giver her up at birth. PTL. Or another time when the reading of a Psalm brought to my friend exactly the words she needed to hear in her anguish. But I really wanted to respond for me. I read and reread this section knowing that I also needed healing for wounds hid from so long ago. Yet I couldn’t do this on my own. Our teacher had given me a form to fill out with a trusted friend (or counselor) for inner healing. I have been looking for a good Christian Counselor in the Lima area and have not been able to locate one- so if any of you know of a good Christian counselor, I would be willing to travel. Art after reading your blog, I knew that I needed to share some of this with my trusted friend, my husband and did start out telling him that after I see the counselor, I might be revealing some of my past with him. He asked what I was talking about, and I was unable to share with him. I still have fear of the past hurting me in some way. I think I need to first rehearse and open up to a counselor or a spiritual director before sharing with my husband. Please pray for me. I know God has forgiven me, and I think I have forgiven myself, Now to open up and reveal a secret from over 20 years is very intimidating. I do feel really good and privileged when others pray for me.

Session #10, "Soul Care", (Benner & Moon text, pp. 187-249)
Now for the case of the Confused Pastor.
Case Assessment- I like to list facts as I had read them in our book: Mark is a 50 year old Caucasian male.
He is married. Has 2 grown daughters. Is a pastor who has recently changed his congregation. He feels sad and has sexual difficulties (impotence). He has recently ended an affair and he is questioning his pastorate.
Conceptualization of the CASE: Mark is going through many changes in his life. I will outline what I see these changes are, not in any order, just a list: From a large (maybe successful) church to a small one
From support to a new congregation
From economic security and a place of power to a small congregation in a needy community
From being a father to 2 daughters to the girls growing and moving away (college and soon giving on up to another in marriage)
From an affair and denying it to the revelation of it in the past two weeks
From pasturing and ministry to questions about leaving the church.
And Mark is 50 years old, this is the time many men go through a “Mid life crisis”
Marks feelings of sadness, questions and sexual difficulty go together. For me one cannot separate the physical, emotional (psychological) and spiritual from each other. We are whole beings and one area of life effects all areas of life.
TREATING THE CASE: After praying for Mark even before opening the door to see him, I would start with setting a mood of safety and compassion, in an atmosphere of confidentiality and comfort. I might start with some questioner, if the discussion seems to be at a stand still. If Mark is open, I might outline the changes listed above and ask him to add to them or clarify them and then asking him to prioritize which ones he would like to work on first.
Just a footnote here: It really depends on why Mark came to see me? Am I a counselor in this role or a spiritual director? These two do for me take on a different role and I play a counselor and do psychological assessment to see how depressed or suicidal he is or am I a spiritual director who needs to refer him on to a psychologist if the need is warranted?
PERSONAL INSGIHTS: I really appreciated reading how each of the three ladies handled this case. It really does depend on what perspective you have. The end results or goal is the same. They all cared about him and wanted transformation for him, yet the procedure was very different. “Faith is the central meaning-making principle or framework. The goal is transformation.” (pg 236) yet how one gets to this is dependent on three points1) how willing Mark is to work on these issues
2) the orientation of the healer- counselor- or director. Which of the below methods will be used first and when?
(Medication, therapy, psychological assessment, prayer, meditation, confession, healing of past hurts, changing behaviors, and growing spiritually can be addressed at various times in these sessions. )
3) The power and presence of the Holy Spirit. Yes this is a great opportunity for Mark to grow and mature. God, through the Holy Spirit reveals to both Mark and the person working with him as to what areas need to be revealed and worked on. This is a process that takes time. There are the immediate needs _rule out suicide and help alleviate the pain of sadness or depression, and then work on the multiple systems that need healing. Relationship with God- For most needed. Relationship with wife, relationships with church members, old congregation (including the one he had an affair with), and even new one. Relationship with his daughter and his spiritual beliefs about marriage-, as she embarks on a new life of marriage. (Is there a discrepancy between –ideal and real- theology of trust in marriage and moral values like faithfulness and what his life practice has been?)
If I sound like I am all over the place, I feel that, for I still need clarity as to my role in this. On page 239 I like what I read, that maybe helps clarify some of this for me: “The discipline of psychology has a primary orientation that connects the past to present, while pastoral counseling primarily attends to the present state of a client’s life and spiritual direction is more focused on creating the future context for a client’s reality.”
Which role I will play depends on concentrating on the present, looking at the past for patterns and healing or at the future.