Session #10

I am interested in spiritual direction because I feel that it is an important ministry/discipline to learn. I want to hear the voice of God more clearly and I want to be able to serve him more faithfully. I not only want to hear his voice, but I want to heed his will. I want my spirit to yield to the Spirit of God. I know that this takes discipline and prayer. I have a difficult time managing my stress. I often feel it in my joints, particularly in my neck and in my lower back. I also have trouble with distraction when I pray. My mind often races or I start thinking about the paper I have to write, the dinner I need to prepare, or the phone call I need to make. I believe that is I practice the art of spiritual direction; it will help me to be able to concentrate and focus better. I also think that it will alleviate a great deal of “bad stress” in my life. I also would like to lead others in my church community in spiritual direction, eventually. I believe that it will be valuable to others as well. One of my favorite scriptures is JN 4:23, “But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father seeks such as these to worship him.”

I plan to continue my K group and continue to practice the spiritual disciplines. I will be prayerfully seeking guidance, as I look for a spiritual director who will take a spiritual journey with me. As I continue in seminary and in my church ministry I believe that spiritual direction will help me to be more open and yielded to the Holy Spirit. I would also like to be able to focus better in my prayer life. I really enjoyed the hours of silence that I had on my mini-retreat experience. I was so surprised at how fast the time went. I also felt such peace and joy after leaving Our Lady of the Pines. I will treasure that experience. I certainly hope that it will not be my last time.

Pastor Mark Case Reflection

Background: Mark is a 50 year old pastor who has been married for over twenty years, with two adult daughters. Both daughters are away in college, one of whom is getting married in the near future. Recently, Mark has transitioned from a large, thriving church to a small, inner city church. He has shared that he is unhappy and unsure of God’s will for his life.

Description: Pastor Mark has come for spiritual direction and guidance. He has shared that he is very sad and unhappy with his life. He is suffering from sexual dysfunction (impotence) which has added to his unhappiness, stress, and worry. He states that he is uncertain as to where he is spiritually. He has also shared that he is beginning to question his calling to the ministry. He has admitted to having a long-term affair with a former parishioner in his previous pastorate, which he has recently ended. His wife has grown suspicious and his questioning his fidelity and commitment to his marriage. At this time, Mark has not admitted the affair to his wife.

Analysis: Mark seems to be at a crossroads in his personal life, as well as his ministry. He also is exhibiting some of the classic symptoms of depression. His sexual dysfunction quite possibly is connected to, or a symptom of his depression and/or the guilt associated with his recent affair. He seems to be grieving a series of losses in his life: the loss of a successful pastorate, the loss of a long-term lover, and the “loss” of his daughter, as she prepares to marry. He also seems to be having trouble adjusting to his new church, which could possibly be due to a cultural barrier. All of these events have contributed to Mark’s present spiritual condition.

Evaluation: First, Mark’s symptoms of depression and sexual dysfunction should be diagnosed by a licensed physician. A referral to a psychologist and/ or psychiatrist may be necessary. He will also definitely benefit from spiritual direction. Mark seems open and ready to begin to help heal his wounds. Mark has not stated if he has repented of his sexual sins. I would encourage him to first seek reconciliation with God and with his wife before moving ahead with spiritual direction. I believe that I will be able to assist Mark as he confronts the realities of his sin and its consequences, and help to guide him as he prepares to move to higher ground.

Theological Reflections: I must remember that I am not to offer solutions or push my opinions or ideas on Mark. I will try to be a calming and healing presence in Mark’s life. Mark is very confused, hurt, depressed, and guilt-laden. He must first deal with his sin before he will be able to work on finding out what he is to do with his ministry. I will encourage Mark to be totally open and honest with his wife. I will encourage Mark to consider an extended vacation or sabbatical so that Mark can concentrate exclusively on healing himself and his marriage. I will prepare a referral list to have available for Mark. I want to be able to offer a few names of professional Christian marriage counselors for Mark and his wife. I will also encourage him to see his primary care physician to rule out any medical reasons for his depression and sexual dysfunction. I will also remind him that God loves him unconditionally and he needs to be able to forgive himself for his actions, before he can accept forgiveness from God or from his wife.

*Format taken from Shared Wisdom: a Guide to Case Study Reflection in Ministry, Mahan, Troxell, and Allen, 1993.